This is not me whining about things like I always do, it is just something I have learned this last year. Most people have bad years, and they are happy to move on to the next. That is what 2009 is for me. My best friend asked me if Tiff and I were going to go to his New Year's Eve party this week and I told him I am not even going to celebrate the end of this stupid year.
This year was the last year I spend my twenties in. Most people approach their 30's with anxiety and sadness. I joke about turning 30, but I am extremely excited to turn this age. If you think about it, 0-10 you are just trying to develop into a human being. 11-20 you are trying to just develop into a human being. 21-29 life changes so fast and I loved my 20's. They were great and the things that I have gotten while in my twenties, I am excited to bring into my thirties. I am really excited to be settled down for a decade and enjoy seeing my offspring grow up with the love of my life.
2009 was hard on me, it beat me over the head. And the best thing is that it finished itself off with a huge snowstorm that kept me from being with my girls for Christmas. Being fired for the first time from a job that I had grown to hate (I will see that as a tie). Obama was sworn in as President, I chewed off more than I could eat with the Tea Party early in the year. But what a way to lose your mind, ehh?
I have had some good things this year, but overall, I am glad to be leaving 2009 in one piece. I thank God for making me sit and think about what I really want to do, kick my butt out of a job I was no longer wanted in, and letting me watch the most beautiful girl grow up WAY too fast. 2010 is where I get off the mat, and get back into the fight stronger and wiser. AND turn 30!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
My Sister Is Marrying A Kenyan? Is This A Joke?
I have learned a lot in this decade. When I worked in the Tea Party Movement, I was called a racist and a liar among the nicer things. I consider my self a 'redneck hippie'. Yep, I am set in my southern root ways yet I like very few aspects of being a hippies. But then came trouble one day in 2007.
My mother called me and told me that my little sister was getting married. I said, WHAT? I didn't know she was dating. Who is this punk?
He is from Kenya.
Kenya? My sister wants to marry a Kenyan? Nope, I do not condone this!
It is not up to you anymore, she said.
A Kenyan. Does he even know English? Is he a good man. How are my sister and him supposed to get over the 'no no' of mixed marriages? So I met him. I wanted to make sure I didn't like him.
Let me explain something. The guys I hang around, when we all get together, we make fun of each other. I call one fat, one says I have a small... well he is wrong anyway. We just make fun of each other as a sign of love. That is what dudes do in this society. There is no way he will be able to mix in with us.
I was wrong. I once took him golfing with two other buddies. He had never been. I had to show him how to hold the golf club. I was thinking this was a mistake. I was right. With the three other guys golfing for years, he was the one that made swinging a club look ugly but golfed the best. He would tee up and hit the ball down the fairway and then look at us like he wondered why it was such a hard game.
Another thing, I joke with him. I make fun of him because he id from Africa, but he can dish it right back at me. It is like I have known him for years.
Another thing, he works his a** off. He pays taxes, he can't vote because he is not a citizen YET. When he becomes an American, our country will gain an invaluable asset. He treats my sister with respect. I would not want anyone else with her. I love him like a brother and would do anything for him because I know he would do the same.
Finally, the family got together for Christmas. Lil bit loves to go to her Uncle. I know lil bit. She does not see him as a Kenyan, but she has a gift that she can tell when a person's soul is good. That is why she loves her Uncle. Because he is good to his core.
We have lost our way in this country. Now it is up to him to show us the way back to who we were. We take freedom and peace and prosperity for granted. He does not. It makes me think that he is the model of a TRUE American, but much more a TRUE man. I met his parents and I know why he is like he is. There is nobody I am more proud of to call a BROTHER than this Kenyan I didn't know 2 years ago. God has blessed us with his presence.
My mother called me and told me that my little sister was getting married. I said, WHAT? I didn't know she was dating. Who is this punk?
He is from Kenya.
Kenya? My sister wants to marry a Kenyan? Nope, I do not condone this!
It is not up to you anymore, she said.
A Kenyan. Does he even know English? Is he a good man. How are my sister and him supposed to get over the 'no no' of mixed marriages? So I met him. I wanted to make sure I didn't like him.
Let me explain something. The guys I hang around, when we all get together, we make fun of each other. I call one fat, one says I have a small... well he is wrong anyway. We just make fun of each other as a sign of love. That is what dudes do in this society. There is no way he will be able to mix in with us.
I was wrong. I once took him golfing with two other buddies. He had never been. I had to show him how to hold the golf club. I was thinking this was a mistake. I was right. With the three other guys golfing for years, he was the one that made swinging a club look ugly but golfed the best. He would tee up and hit the ball down the fairway and then look at us like he wondered why it was such a hard game.
Another thing, I joke with him. I make fun of him because he id from Africa, but he can dish it right back at me. It is like I have known him for years.
Another thing, he works his a** off. He pays taxes, he can't vote because he is not a citizen YET. When he becomes an American, our country will gain an invaluable asset. He treats my sister with respect. I would not want anyone else with her. I love him like a brother and would do anything for him because I know he would do the same.
Finally, the family got together for Christmas. Lil bit loves to go to her Uncle. I know lil bit. She does not see him as a Kenyan, but she has a gift that she can tell when a person's soul is good. That is why she loves her Uncle. Because he is good to his core.
We have lost our way in this country. Now it is up to him to show us the way back to who we were. We take freedom and peace and prosperity for granted. He does not. It makes me think that he is the model of a TRUE American, but much more a TRUE man. I met his parents and I know why he is like he is. There is nobody I am more proud of to call a BROTHER than this Kenyan I didn't know 2 years ago. God has blessed us with his presence.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
5 years of experience.
Five years ago, I married my current wife. I am still currently married to her and live with her, so that makes me a little bit of a marriage expert since most divorces happen before the 5 year mark. I have decided to share my wisdom and lil bit of good advice to stay married. This advice either comes through personal experience, or what I have heard. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE EVER DONE ANY OF THIS OR MY WIFE HAS! Most of this is just my take from looking at other people's situations. I have numbered them to please the eye. #1 being the most important to 10 being the least.
10. Don't have an affair. This will make her mad and if you think you need another woman in your life, multiply your wife by 2. THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! Ask a pro golfer, they have 20 crazy women after them.
9. When she asks you when you might be ready for kids, and you are not, buy her a house. By buying her a house, this buys YOU about 6 to 12 months of what women call 'nesting time'. This gives you 6 to 12 months of NOT discussing why you do not want kids at this moment in your life.
8. When the 'nesting time' is over with your wife and the house, go to the nearest animal shelter quickly and buy or pick up the sickest dog you can find. Preferably, you can do like me and pick up a stray dog from a parking lot with a limp and worms, and mites, and a liver problem. The dog gives them something to take care of, and the ailments give them something to worry about. You see, women can take care of MANY things at once, but get them to also WORRY about a thing, that will buy you another 6-12 months, 18
months if you find a really sick dog.
7. When she calls you on the phone when you are in the middle of doing something important just to want to hear your voice, just talk with her because one day, the LAST thing she will want to hear is your voice.
6. When the dog heals up, and she is ready for a curtain-climber to haunt you home FOREVER, just go along and pretty soon you will be huddled up with other couples watching the 'magic of birth' in 'birthing classes'. ONLY GUYS READ XXXXXXX (There is no magic when it comes to birth. There is only a lot of blood, screaming, and other human material flying around the room only to get to hold the most beautiful girl in the whole world. BUT, not before all that other really nasty junk. After watching a woman give birth in person, you will NEVER look at ANY women the same way again. But never tell them I said that.)
5. When it comes to routine, stick with it. The people that say, "You need to shake up things in your marriage" is on his fourth wife. The time to 'shake things up' in your marriage will come, just not in the first 5 years. Keep it simple, same eating places, same movies, same EVERYTHING. This will keep the woman in her stable state of mind for a long time and you will not run into, what Doctors like to call the 'Kate-gosselyn-syndrome' where you actually WANT to abandon all 8 of your kids just for a good night's rest.
4. You will never make enough money. Not for kids, not for anything. So just do what you love. I had to learn that the hard way and now I am doing what I at least like and I can make more money than I did before. Not much more, however, and certainly what???? That is right, not enough money. At least if you like what you do or your boss you come home feeling good.
3. Buy a Volvo YEARS before you start to have children, NOT when she is six months pregnant. It is a lot less hectic when she is not on an emotional roller coaster.
2. Work. Then when you are done, work some more. When you get tired, work. When you are hungry, work. When you are sad, work. When you are glad, work. Just work, all of the time. This way you are not hanging around the house because when you 'hang around the house', women take that as a sign of weakness and they try to get into their husbands' head. Therefore, fighting ensues (the woman's fault) and fighting leads to divorce. If you are not there, she can go shopping, hang out with their friends, and even get a boyfriend on the side. You don't care, you are too busy...............working. That is right, the world fixes everything with time, so leave it alone and get to work. Everything will get back to right.
1. Marry your best friend. If your best friend is a dude, like mine is, then marry the person who would be your best friend if your best friend were to go away or die. That person would be referred to as your 'almost' best friend OR 'second' best friend. My best friend likes to watch sports and hang out with me talking with a lot of cussing and a lot of bad references to women and other things in the world. If this person is a woman, DO NOT MARRY HER! She is gay. If your potential wife is somebody who you look at and say, 'You know, 95% of the time she is pretty fun to be around, the other 5% I can tolerate, and she is the one woman I have dated that is THE MOST SANE/LEAST CRAZY. I want to marry this woman.' Good idea, that is ok that you really don't get her on all levels, because if you did........... one of you would probably be gay. And being gay and being married to a straight person can set itself up to a whole lot of conflicts, both on a religious level and a political level.
I think what I would like YOU, the reader to get out of reading a blog from a dude that is currently wearing sweatpants, on his couch, watching The Abyss while his wife and daughter sleeps, is that you are pathetic for even reading this far. However, I think that the moral of this story is 2-fold. Like the Earth, your marriage is always moving and changing. Roll with the changes. You will both change throughout time (hopefully not turning gay because that would then lead to divorce ref. point #1), but be open to that change and know it is going to happen. Love each other in the good times, BUT really stick next to each other in the bad times. Understand that you both are different creatures and God made it that way probably for a laugh.
When it is time to have curtain climbers, don't freak out, your ready. If me and my best buds survived the last year, any man with half a brain could survive fatherhood. ENJOY THE RIDE! Love just being in that one-bedroom, small, cramped apartment. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse and a screeching 14 month old that likes to throw things lately. Enjoy having a pregnant wife, and when she starts to cry in the car while you are just driving and nothing else, let her be. Don't try and fix it, the only fixin' to do is when that Doctor grabs that baby inside of her by the head and rips that baby from her womb in some amazingly nasty operation called birth. Enjoy watching your kid do the funniest things together. Just enjoy the ride because it always is changing.
10. Don't have an affair. This will make her mad and if you think you need another woman in your life, multiply your wife by 2. THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! Ask a pro golfer, they have 20 crazy women after them.
9. When she asks you when you might be ready for kids, and you are not, buy her a house. By buying her a house, this buys YOU about 6 to 12 months of what women call 'nesting time'. This gives you 6 to 12 months of NOT discussing why you do not want kids at this moment in your life.
8. When the 'nesting time' is over with your wife and the house, go to the nearest animal shelter quickly and buy or pick up the sickest dog you can find. Preferably, you can do like me and pick up a stray dog from a parking lot with a limp and worms, and mites, and a liver problem. The dog gives them something to take care of, and the ailments give them something to worry about. You see, women can take care of MANY things at once, but get them to also WORRY about a thing, that will buy you another 6-12 months, 18
months if you find a really sick dog.7. When she calls you on the phone when you are in the middle of doing something important just to want to hear your voice, just talk with her because one day, the LAST thing she will want to hear is your voice.
6. When the dog heals up, and she is ready for a curtain-climber to haunt you home FOREVER, just go along and pretty soon you will be huddled up with other couples watching the 'magic of birth' in 'birthing classes'. ONLY GUYS READ XXXXXXX (There is no magic when it comes to birth. There is only a lot of blood, screaming, and other human material flying around the room only to get to hold the most beautiful girl in the whole world. BUT, not before all that other really nasty junk. After watching a woman give birth in person, you will NEVER look at ANY women the same way again. But never tell them I said that.)
5. When it comes to routine, stick with it. The people that say, "You need to shake up things in your marriage" is on his fourth wife. The time to 'shake things up' in your marriage will come, just not in the first 5 years. Keep it simple, same eating places, same movies, same EVERYTHING. This will keep the woman in her stable state of mind for a long time and you will not run into, what Doctors like to call the 'Kate-gosselyn-syndrome' where you actually WANT to abandon all 8 of your kids just for a good night's rest.
4. You will never make enough money. Not for kids, not for anything. So just do what you love. I had to learn that the hard way and now I am doing what I at least like and I can make more money than I did before. Not much more, however, and certainly what???? That is right, not enough money. At least if you like what you do or your boss you come home feeling good.
3. Buy a Volvo YEARS before you start to have children, NOT when she is six months pregnant. It is a lot less hectic when she is not on an emotional roller coaster.
2. Work. Then when you are done, work some more. When you get tired, work. When you are hungry, work. When you are sad, work. When you are glad, work. Just work, all of the time. This way you are not hanging around the house because when you 'hang around the house', women take that as a sign of weakness and they try to get into their husbands' head. Therefore, fighting ensues (the woman's fault) and fighting leads to divorce. If you are not there, she can go shopping, hang out with their friends, and even get a boyfriend on the side. You don't care, you are too busy...............working. That is right, the world fixes everything with time, so leave it alone and get to work. Everything will get back to right.
1. Marry your best friend. If your best friend is a dude, like mine is, then marry the person who would be your best friend if your best friend were to go away or die. That person would be referred to as your 'almost' best friend OR 'second' best friend. My best friend likes to watch sports and hang out with me talking with a lot of cussing and a lot of bad references to women and other things in the world. If this person is a woman, DO NOT MARRY HER! She is gay. If your potential wife is somebody who you look at and say, 'You know, 95% of the time she is pretty fun to be around, the other 5% I can tolerate, and she is the one woman I have dated that is THE MOST SANE/LEAST CRAZY. I want to marry this woman.' Good idea, that is ok that you really don't get her on all levels, because if you did........... one of you would probably be gay. And being gay and being married to a straight person can set itself up to a whole lot of conflicts, both on a religious level and a political level.
I think what I would like YOU, the reader to get out of reading a blog from a dude that is currently wearing sweatpants, on his couch, watching The Abyss while his wife and daughter sleeps, is that you are pathetic for even reading this far. However, I think that the moral of this story is 2-fold. Like the Earth, your marriage is always moving and changing. Roll with the changes. You will both change throughout time (hopefully not turning gay because that would then lead to divorce ref. point #1), but be open to that change and know it is going to happen. Love each other in the good times, BUT really stick next to each other in the bad times. Understand that you both are different creatures and God made it that way probably for a laugh.
When it is time to have curtain climbers, don't freak out, your ready. If me and my best buds survived the last year, any man with half a brain could survive fatherhood. ENJOY THE RIDE! Love just being in that one-bedroom, small, cramped apartment. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse and a screeching 14 month old that likes to throw things lately. Enjoy having a pregnant wife, and when she starts to cry in the car while you are just driving and nothing else, let her be. Don't try and fix it, the only fixin' to do is when that Doctor grabs that baby inside of her by the head and rips that baby from her womb in some amazingly nasty operation called birth. Enjoy watching your kid do the funniest things together. Just enjoy the ride because it always is changing.
Thanks for hanging in there for five years, honey. If you want to try for five more just tell me when we get home tonight. I am willing to go another 5 if you are.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Workaholic's Guide To Being Unemployed
As you may know, I am a workaholic. As you may also know, I am unemployed. In the short time that I have been unemployed, I have learned things that people like me can do to keep from going crazy. I will list them numerically.
1. Never sleep late. Always wake up at your normal time to keep a routine. I say this because I have a one year old and have no choice.
2. Cry in a cold shower for at least 5 minutes a day. This cleanses the mind, body, and soul and convinces you that you are crazy and should be working (even though you really aren't crazy).
3. Call up the Clorox company hot line and argue with them about how ALL of their products only kill 99.9% of household germs. Tell them that is not something to gloat about, you are very worried about that .1% of germs still living, and that you are going to invent a cleaner that gets 100% of the germs.
4. Find your oldest pair of jeans, cut them up into shorts, wear a sleeveless T-shirt and go to Wal-Mart and walk around asking random people if they need help finding something.
5. Go online, find the phone numbers to every U.S. Senator and call their offices and try to just carry on a normal conversation with their desk jockies. I am sure nobody asks them how their day is or how their life is going. I am sure you would get surprising answers.
6. Invent a blanket with sleeves, be happy that you are going to sell it and make millions of dollars, then relax, turn on the T.V., and see that they have already invented it and called it the Snuggy.
7. Call the Unemployment Office and apply for a job there to satisfy one of your two weekly required job searches.
8. Realize that your phone is just ringing to hear itself ring. Cell phones get lonely too and mine is wondering why I only talk on it only a couple of minutes a day now.
9. Vacuum the carpet.
10. Eat a large breakfast then watch The View. Each morning try to hold off vomiting longer each time.
And that is what will get you through unemployment. If you are still not happy, start a farm in your backyard and when people ask what you do, tell them you are a farmer.
1. Never sleep late. Always wake up at your normal time to keep a routine. I say this because I have a one year old and have no choice.
2. Cry in a cold shower for at least 5 minutes a day. This cleanses the mind, body, and soul and convinces you that you are crazy and should be working (even though you really aren't crazy).
3. Call up the Clorox company hot line and argue with them about how ALL of their products only kill 99.9% of household germs. Tell them that is not something to gloat about, you are very worried about that .1% of germs still living, and that you are going to invent a cleaner that gets 100% of the germs.
4. Find your oldest pair of jeans, cut them up into shorts, wear a sleeveless T-shirt and go to Wal-Mart and walk around asking random people if they need help finding something.
5. Go online, find the phone numbers to every U.S. Senator and call their offices and try to just carry on a normal conversation with their desk jockies. I am sure nobody asks them how their day is or how their life is going. I am sure you would get surprising answers.
6. Invent a blanket with sleeves, be happy that you are going to sell it and make millions of dollars, then relax, turn on the T.V., and see that they have already invented it and called it the Snuggy.
7. Call the Unemployment Office and apply for a job there to satisfy one of your two weekly required job searches.
8. Realize that your phone is just ringing to hear itself ring. Cell phones get lonely too and mine is wondering why I only talk on it only a couple of minutes a day now.
9. Vacuum the carpet.
10. Eat a large breakfast then watch The View. Each morning try to hold off vomiting longer each time.
And that is what will get you through unemployment. If you are still not happy, start a farm in your backyard and when people ask what you do, tell them you are a farmer.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Learning To Listen
2009 has been a rough year for me. I am going to whine for a bit and throw myself a pity party. At the beginning of the year I got involved in politics. That was stressful. Then I had the hardest part of getting used to being a daddy. I have settled in quite nicely now. I have suffered from deep depression, I have looked for help. But I talked to my Papa about 2 weeks ago and he and I talked about God for a couple of hours. The one thing I got out of that talk was.... listen to the Lord more and stop talking for a second.
So I started to listen, intently. That is when I got TERMINATED from my job that I had work in for 6 1/2 years. Then my wife has had some health problems that have worried me. Now, today, I found out lil bit has the swine flu. I LISTENED AND ALL HE GAVE ME WAS THIS! That was my first thought. Then I got angry at him. Then I listened again.
I am the type of person that can be hit by life over and over again and I won't fight back. Only when I get that knock out shot that lands me on the mat do I fight. So I have recently found myself on the mat. After a couple of days of trying to regain my consciousness, because I was dazed by that shot I took in the face, I looked over to see the crowd cheering 'life' for the knock out win and 'life' raising his gloves in victory. That is when I turn over, I slowly get on all fours, and try to stand again. This take a bit because I hurt, my face and ribs and everything. But I am going to stand, and that is when life better watch out. You can kick this dog but when you corner me, I bite.
So my point is, did the Lord facilitate in the firing of me by my job? Don't know. But I will tell you that the fact that I was fired from a job that I had begun to loath, and was depressing me, and sucking the life out of me, I was too chicken to quit. Maybe he took out his boot and kicked me out of a situation I didn't need to be in. Will I find a good job? Will lil bit be OK? Will my wife stop getting stress-related symptoms? Not sure. But I am getting up from the mat and I am ready to fight now. But I am not alone, I am still listening to you Lord, and I know that where ever I go, it will probably be a lot better than where I have been. This is when I dig my heels in, stop retreating, and begin to fight. Thank you God for at least one thing, giving me Papa.
So I started to listen, intently. That is when I got TERMINATED from my job that I had work in for 6 1/2 years. Then my wife has had some health problems that have worried me. Now, today, I found out lil bit has the swine flu. I LISTENED AND ALL HE GAVE ME WAS THIS! That was my first thought. Then I got angry at him. Then I listened again.
I am the type of person that can be hit by life over and over again and I won't fight back. Only when I get that knock out shot that lands me on the mat do I fight. So I have recently found myself on the mat. After a couple of days of trying to regain my consciousness, because I was dazed by that shot I took in the face, I looked over to see the crowd cheering 'life' for the knock out win and 'life' raising his gloves in victory. That is when I turn over, I slowly get on all fours, and try to stand again. This take a bit because I hurt, my face and ribs and everything. But I am going to stand, and that is when life better watch out. You can kick this dog but when you corner me, I bite.
So my point is, did the Lord facilitate in the firing of me by my job? Don't know. But I will tell you that the fact that I was fired from a job that I had begun to loath, and was depressing me, and sucking the life out of me, I was too chicken to quit. Maybe he took out his boot and kicked me out of a situation I didn't need to be in. Will I find a good job? Will lil bit be OK? Will my wife stop getting stress-related symptoms? Not sure. But I am getting up from the mat and I am ready to fight now. But I am not alone, I am still listening to you Lord, and I know that where ever I go, it will probably be a lot better than where I have been. This is when I dig my heels in, stop retreating, and begin to fight. Thank you God for at least one thing, giving me Papa.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Oreos and MTV
1990 was good to me. I have often thought of what might have been in the last 19 years if I had done things different then. But I didn't, and some things you live with for the rest of your life. I was 9 years old. What my parents didn't know was that I was a Navy SEAL. I would wake up at about 5:00 a.m. in the morning and go into the living room. I would watch things that my parents wouldn't let me watch at that time. I would also scale the kitchen counter top and grab the Oreos. Those wonderful cookies were like crack to me. So I would sugar up and watch MTV, Jaws, and other thing (not really bad things) on T.V. I loved it. That was my time.
Whenever summer break came, that was my hay day. I would be able to work with my Dad as much as I wanted. I was a paid employee, after all. Wherever he went, I went. We would have to take orders, load our van, and travel all over Arkansas. It was much better than hanging out with my Mom and little sister. It was man time for us, sometimes early in the morning, or sometimes it was an easy day.
On day in June 1990, the day was supposed to be a slow one. No deliveries, maybe just going to the warehouse and getting ready for the next day, but it was 'my day off' for the hard-working man that I was at 9 years old. It was very early in the morning and nobody was awake but me. My Dad got up early too and started to leave. I was on stand-by so, of course, I said 'where ya goin'? He said he needed to have the brakes on the truck replaced. So automatically I was going along with him. He said he didn't need me because it was going to be a quick chore and he would be back so rest up because we had a lot to do in the warehouse that day. So I went back to my MTV while he walked out the door.
He never came back. It only took me a minute to realize he didn't go for brake replacement when the news was told to me that he had to go to Fort Smith for a work emergency. I knew that was a lie because he would have picked me up first.
19 years and I still wonder what would have happened if I stood in the doorway stopped him from leaving. I was the one that watched him go, everybody else was asleep. I didn't stop him but went back to watching T.V. Somethings happen for a reason, and some don't. If I decided to sleep late then I would not have to play out that 1 minute in my head for 19 years. But I was on the couch for no other reason than to watch my life change forever. Maybe that is why I sleep late now.
That is why when Kleibold's mother was interviewed last week, she said that she had wished she could have just stopped him from going to school ten years ago. And she still remembers him leaving the house that morning. Well, my advice is that feeling still isn't going away for at least 9 more years.
Whenever summer break came, that was my hay day. I would be able to work with my Dad as much as I wanted. I was a paid employee, after all. Wherever he went, I went. We would have to take orders, load our van, and travel all over Arkansas. It was much better than hanging out with my Mom and little sister. It was man time for us, sometimes early in the morning, or sometimes it was an easy day.
On day in June 1990, the day was supposed to be a slow one. No deliveries, maybe just going to the warehouse and getting ready for the next day, but it was 'my day off' for the hard-working man that I was at 9 years old. It was very early in the morning and nobody was awake but me. My Dad got up early too and started to leave. I was on stand-by so, of course, I said 'where ya goin'? He said he needed to have the brakes on the truck replaced. So automatically I was going along with him. He said he didn't need me because it was going to be a quick chore and he would be back so rest up because we had a lot to do in the warehouse that day. So I went back to my MTV while he walked out the door.
He never came back. It only took me a minute to realize he didn't go for brake replacement when the news was told to me that he had to go to Fort Smith for a work emergency. I knew that was a lie because he would have picked me up first.
19 years and I still wonder what would have happened if I stood in the doorway stopped him from leaving. I was the one that watched him go, everybody else was asleep. I didn't stop him but went back to watching T.V. Somethings happen for a reason, and some don't. If I decided to sleep late then I would not have to play out that 1 minute in my head for 19 years. But I was on the couch for no other reason than to watch my life change forever. Maybe that is why I sleep late now.
That is why when Kleibold's mother was interviewed last week, she said that she had wished she could have just stopped him from going to school ten years ago. And she still remembers him leaving the house that morning. Well, my advice is that feeling still isn't going away for at least 9 more years.
Monday, October 19, 2009
One Year Gone
I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the greatest event in my life. I am sitting back thinking right now trying to put it all in my mind. I think of life in a series of events, good or bad, and how they affect the way I carry on with my life. For instance, the worst year of my life (1995) made me realize how I need to carry on with baggage in life, I learned that year that you need to carry some of that baggage, but leave the rest behind. In the last year since my wife had my wonderful daughter I have learned a lot. Can't really explain everything, because you just kinda have to go through it yourself. But here are the things that can be put into words.
I have learned that there are things in this life that I cannot control. This is very hard for a person who is used to controlling EVERYTHING around himself, and yet something about 1'9" tall and less than 9 pounds can put all of that to an end. I have had ex-cons threaten me and men twice my age and size, but they were never able to change what something this little has changed in me. That has increased the role the Lord has had in my life. Control freaks like me have a problem 'giving it all up to the Lord'. But I have had no choice. And I have found a whole other side of the Lord that I have never seen. I have seen more love and support from him that has helped me when I have been at the end of my rope.
I have also learned how to be a bad husband, then try and be a better one after I realize that I have not been the best husband I could be. I have learned that giving up most of my free time in the evenings to have to spend it with my family is ACTUALLY more fun than what I have had to give up. I have also learned that having a sick child is not the end of the world and, even though I get sneezed, coughed, and even spit-up upon, daddies usually don't get sick.
I have learned that the smile of a little girl just happy that I am home makes me feel like the most important person in the world! And I have also realized that a little girl's giggle and uncontrollable laughter is very contagious.
Fatherhood is something that you do the best you can with relatively no instruction manual. You can talk to other daddies, but you pretty much have to wing it, and as long as you are playing IN the game, you are already winning. I have not been more excited for a birthday since I was probably 11 years old. I don't even realize yet that I turn 29 years old 3 days later. I have gone from telling people what I would like for my birthday to begging my wife to buy a cool toy for lil bit. I have found that my 2 best friends are the 2 girls that I live with. I love living with my best friends. I feel blessed that I get to enjoy being around them for as long as the Lord allows.
And finally, when the Doctor said we would be able to conceive without the use of fertility drugs, and we had lil bit without those drugs, I truly believe that lil bit was sent down to use from Heaven by the grace of God. She was just a little angel laying around the clouds and one day God asked her, 'Hey, I have a good family that really wants one of you, and I think you would be a good fit. You wanna go?' I took her a few days to make up her mind (she is a female), but she finally decided to go for it, like her mommy and daddy. So thanks lil bit for giving us a chance and with this first year being so fun, I can't wait for the rest of the years.
I have learned that there are things in this life that I cannot control. This is very hard for a person who is used to controlling EVERYTHING around himself, and yet something about 1'9" tall and less than 9 pounds can put all of that to an end. I have had ex-cons threaten me and men twice my age and size, but they were never able to change what something this little has changed in me. That has increased the role the Lord has had in my life. Control freaks like me have a problem 'giving it all up to the Lord'. But I have had no choice. And I have found a whole other side of the Lord that I have never seen. I have seen more love and support from him that has helped me when I have been at the end of my rope.
I have also learned how to be a bad husband, then try and be a better one after I realize that I have not been the best husband I could be. I have learned that giving up most of my free time in the evenings to have to spend it with my family is ACTUALLY more fun than what I have had to give up. I have also learned that having a sick child is not the end of the world and, even though I get sneezed, coughed, and even spit-up upon, daddies usually don't get sick.
I have learned that the smile of a little girl just happy that I am home makes me feel like the most important person in the world! And I have also realized that a little girl's giggle and uncontrollable laughter is very contagious.
Fatherhood is something that you do the best you can with relatively no instruction manual. You can talk to other daddies, but you pretty much have to wing it, and as long as you are playing IN the game, you are already winning. I have not been more excited for a birthday since I was probably 11 years old. I don't even realize yet that I turn 29 years old 3 days later. I have gone from telling people what I would like for my birthday to begging my wife to buy a cool toy for lil bit. I have found that my 2 best friends are the 2 girls that I live with. I love living with my best friends. I feel blessed that I get to enjoy being around them for as long as the Lord allows.
And finally, when the Doctor said we would be able to conceive without the use of fertility drugs, and we had lil bit without those drugs, I truly believe that lil bit was sent down to use from Heaven by the grace of God. She was just a little angel laying around the clouds and one day God asked her, 'Hey, I have a good family that really wants one of you, and I think you would be a good fit. You wanna go?' I took her a few days to make up her mind (she is a female), but she finally decided to go for it, like her mommy and daddy. So thanks lil bit for giving us a chance and with this first year being so fun, I can't wait for the rest of the years.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
What my parents made me watch when I was a kid.
I got angry at my wife the other day because lil bit was watching Dora the Explorer and I said I did NOT want my child watching that cartoon. She asked why, and I began to explain to her what Dora was doing. OK, there are two languages in this cartoon, English and Spanish. But neither English NOR Spanish is spoken on this cartoon. I call it Spanglish (did not come up with that word). I have no problem with a cartoon speaking any language, I just have a problem with a bunch of people from a certain generation speaking their own language, Spanglish. People who speak English or Spanish cannot understand this language. I hate that! Then I started reminiscing about the children's programing I watch when I was little. Then I really started thinking about those programs. Let me begin.
Speedy delivery? Really?
I think Dora is not such a big problem, anymore.
1. Sesame Street: Burt and Ernie lived together and were 'roommates'. Life-long bachelors that fought like a married couple. Sigfried and Roy think that is perfectly normal. I am not saying that B and E were and still maybe gay, but I am saying that the fact that they now reside in a West Hollywood bungalow together puts a shadow on their lifestyles.
Big Bird had a buddy named Snuffleupagus (spelling?). Big Bird did not have a job. He just hung around on the street corner waiting for the children to come around. He was 'supposedly' the only bird that could see the big hair elephant that would talk to him. I am going out on a limb but Big Bird was a dealer. NOT ONLY WAS HE A DEALER, he was also a heavy user of his products.
2. Mr. Roger's Neighborhood: One word, Mister McFeely?
Speedy delivery? Really?3. Charlie Brown: Peppermint Patty was not called sir for no reason. She did not wear Birkenstocks and a flannel shirt for no reason. She wasn't dirty for no reason. There was a reason, we know why that is.
I think Dora is not such a big problem, anymore.Monday, September 28, 2009
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Being Sued
This year has probably been the toughest year of my short professional career. That is not saying much, seeing I have only been out of college for only about half a decade. Last year was a very easy year. We did well with our profit margin, my customers were very happy. I really never had any trouble with anybody. This year, well, it has been rough. I take it as a learning experience, though. But as I have previously posted, the people I have known for over 3 years and taken care of seem to have just gone crazy. I really don't know how to explain it.
All of these problems came to a head last Wednesday. It started when the Fire Marshall came to my office to visit with me. He had gotten a call from one of my long-term tenants about a kitchen light that hadn't been hung. See, a long time ago I had a flood upstairs from her unit, her son took the light down and I said I wanted my licensed electrician to repair it. Well, it took him about 10 days to get there. She had light, she just didn't like the nuisance? When the Fire Marshall showed up, the light was already repaired. But I was still scolded.
About 15 minutes after that, I had a tenant come into my office who had moved out. He had cancelled his lease and I was to take his deposit. He told me he had talked to an attorney, and I better give him his deposit back. I told him I would see him in court.
Out of everything that had happened that morning, I closed my office and grabbed my Bible. I read it for about 30 minutes while I was feeling that God had just turned his back on me just like everyone I had to deal with that day. I prayed, then went back to work. 10 minutes after that break an old tenant that I thought had skipped out on me came into my office wanting to settle up on his rent. Then 30 minutes after that the guy that said he was going to sue me called me and apologized. He said he had talked to another attorney and that I was in the right.
That is when I thought this had to be more than just coincidence. Don't get me wrong, people are still angrier than normal, I have a mountain of obstacle to still tackle, but 5% of my problems were OK. But beyond THAT, I feel it doesn't matter. The Lord is probably not going to make all the problems I face just magically go away, but the most important thing is that I know that he has my back. He may be the only one right now that backs me, but that is all I need to face the obstacles ahead. I guess it was just his way of saying that everyone else in the world (other than my family and friends, of course) could turn ugly, but I have a guy covering my backside. That means a lot.
All of these problems came to a head last Wednesday. It started when the Fire Marshall came to my office to visit with me. He had gotten a call from one of my long-term tenants about a kitchen light that hadn't been hung. See, a long time ago I had a flood upstairs from her unit, her son took the light down and I said I wanted my licensed electrician to repair it. Well, it took him about 10 days to get there. She had light, she just didn't like the nuisance? When the Fire Marshall showed up, the light was already repaired. But I was still scolded.
About 15 minutes after that, I had a tenant come into my office who had moved out. He had cancelled his lease and I was to take his deposit. He told me he had talked to an attorney, and I better give him his deposit back. I told him I would see him in court.
Out of everything that had happened that morning, I closed my office and grabbed my Bible. I read it for about 30 minutes while I was feeling that God had just turned his back on me just like everyone I had to deal with that day. I prayed, then went back to work. 10 minutes after that break an old tenant that I thought had skipped out on me came into my office wanting to settle up on his rent. Then 30 minutes after that the guy that said he was going to sue me called me and apologized. He said he had talked to another attorney and that I was in the right.
That is when I thought this had to be more than just coincidence. Don't get me wrong, people are still angrier than normal, I have a mountain of obstacle to still tackle, but 5% of my problems were OK. But beyond THAT, I feel it doesn't matter. The Lord is probably not going to make all the problems I face just magically go away, but the most important thing is that I know that he has my back. He may be the only one right now that backs me, but that is all I need to face the obstacles ahead. I guess it was just his way of saying that everyone else in the world (other than my family and friends, of course) could turn ugly, but I have a guy covering my backside. That means a lot.
Monday, September 21, 2009
People Have Lost Their Minds
OK, I feel I need to write about this not to just vent and cry online, but to WARN everybody about what is going on in our society. People have differing views about our country. Some people say that the 9/11 tragedy was done by our Government, that President Obama was not born in the U.S., and some believe the CIA is tracking them. I am sure that out of all the people that say the CIA is tracking them, about 10% are probably correct. That is beyond the point. What is REALLY happening in our society is that average people are going crazy. I believe the Government is covering this fact up by scaring everybody about the Swine Flu.
Let me elaborate on this claim. I work in a small business. The people that I have worked around for years have gone off their rocker. It started when I got a complaint in February of this year when a person called me yelling at me that their A/C was not working properly. The outside temperature at the time was reaching a high of 42 degrees. Then in July, another normal person called me up and yelled at me because their heater wasn't working. The high for that day was 92 degrees. But that is all and good.
This is only the tip of the iceberg for what I have been dealing with. I have been threatened to be sued for harassment (this person bounced a check and I turned them into my collection company who has called them repeatedly), I have had somebodies father drive from Dallas to stomp into my office one day. His daughter had not had heat all winter and he wanted answers. So did I. So we went up to her place and I asked her what this is all about and she said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you that my heater stopped working." EERRRRRRR! So I apologized that I didn't fix what I didn't know was broken.
This is not just happening to me, I have talked to plumbers and other people who work around the general public, they are saying the same thing. Normal people have gotten weird. So what is making this happen? I think it is the economy. Even though it hasn't hit us hard here, I still think people have gotten freaked out about it.
I have actually prayed about this. I have not asked the Lord to CHANGE these people from being crazy, I have just asked him to please help me deal with it. Or at least have the strength to weather this storm that is, hopefully, temporary. I have also learned that people threatening to sue me, angry Dads barging into my office, being reported to my superiors is actually something I should expect. So now that I expect these things to happen, when they don't (they usually do), I am pleasantly surprised.
So the moral of the story IS....... just be cool with the people who serve you for the next few months. It only takes a few normal people to make a person's day.
Let me elaborate on this claim. I work in a small business. The people that I have worked around for years have gone off their rocker. It started when I got a complaint in February of this year when a person called me yelling at me that their A/C was not working properly. The outside temperature at the time was reaching a high of 42 degrees. Then in July, another normal person called me up and yelled at me because their heater wasn't working. The high for that day was 92 degrees. But that is all and good.
This is only the tip of the iceberg for what I have been dealing with. I have been threatened to be sued for harassment (this person bounced a check and I turned them into my collection company who has called them repeatedly), I have had somebodies father drive from Dallas to stomp into my office one day. His daughter had not had heat all winter and he wanted answers. So did I. So we went up to her place and I asked her what this is all about and she said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you that my heater stopped working." EERRRRRRR! So I apologized that I didn't fix what I didn't know was broken.
This is not just happening to me, I have talked to plumbers and other people who work around the general public, they are saying the same thing. Normal people have gotten weird. So what is making this happen? I think it is the economy. Even though it hasn't hit us hard here, I still think people have gotten freaked out about it.
I have actually prayed about this. I have not asked the Lord to CHANGE these people from being crazy, I have just asked him to please help me deal with it. Or at least have the strength to weather this storm that is, hopefully, temporary. I have also learned that people threatening to sue me, angry Dads barging into my office, being reported to my superiors is actually something I should expect. So now that I expect these things to happen, when they don't (they usually do), I am pleasantly surprised.
So the moral of the story IS....... just be cool with the people who serve you for the next few months. It only takes a few normal people to make a person's day.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
What Makes A Man
It was a rainy Sunday afternoon. I was very cold and wet. I was also wondering whether I was going to get a cold from standing out in the rain for so long. I was at a rally that I did not want to go to. It wasn't because I disagreed with this rally, it was just that I had led the previous two rallies and I was mentally exhausted from the 'political scene'.
So the question is... Why did I go? Well, my Papa was going to speak at this rally. My Papa is the only man in the whole world that I would follow him anywhere. I have the utmost respect for him and more. So I went. Papa had raised me when I was a boy. I was born with a birth father that could not deal with the pressure of being a family man. He left. By the grace of God, I was raised by Papa from the age of 9 on. He made me the man I am today. He taught me about being a man of your word, responsibility, and honor. He taught me how to treat a woman and others with dignity. My wife, children, and future grandchildren will be affected because of him.
I listened to his speech when he approached the podium. I am very protective of him (even though he doesn't need it). He spoke of HIS father and the way the line of men that I am descended from believe in hard work, honesty, and integrity. I was so proud.
The reason that I have lived my life the way I have is for one reason, I never want to disappoint him. He has never asked a thing from me, but I have never wanted to put him in a position to let him down. That is why I never had a child out of wed-lock, used hard drugs, or steal. I just wanted him to know that I try everyday to live up to his standards.
The Lord has blessed me with the presence of this man in my life. Without him, I am not sure what type of man I would be to this day. Thank you Papa.
So the question is... Why did I go? Well, my Papa was going to speak at this rally. My Papa is the only man in the whole world that I would follow him anywhere. I have the utmost respect for him and more. So I went. Papa had raised me when I was a boy. I was born with a birth father that could not deal with the pressure of being a family man. He left. By the grace of God, I was raised by Papa from the age of 9 on. He made me the man I am today. He taught me about being a man of your word, responsibility, and honor. He taught me how to treat a woman and others with dignity. My wife, children, and future grandchildren will be affected because of him.
I listened to his speech when he approached the podium. I am very protective of him (even though he doesn't need it). He spoke of HIS father and the way the line of men that I am descended from believe in hard work, honesty, and integrity. I was so proud.
The reason that I have lived my life the way I have is for one reason, I never want to disappoint him. He has never asked a thing from me, but I have never wanted to put him in a position to let him down. That is why I never had a child out of wed-lock, used hard drugs, or steal. I just wanted him to know that I try everyday to live up to his standards.
The Lord has blessed me with the presence of this man in my life. Without him, I am not sure what type of man I would be to this day. Thank you Papa.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
My Take On The Obama Speech To The Nation's Schools Today.
V.S. 
Just kidding, not going to touch that subject with a 10-foot pole. Don't care. Here is the real subject line: How To Reach A Little More Happiness And Reduce A Little Stress In Your Life.
I have found, in my short stint as a political activist (not one anymore), is that people watch WAY too much news and listen to WAY too much political talk radio. I have weeded this out of my life, and it is wonderful. So you may ask the question, 'But think of all the things I will miss if I don't watch the news.' NOTHING. Trust me, it has been the same thing for years. You want to watch the local news? I do, for the weather, but as of the rest, do I really need to know that there was a robbery on the northeast side of OKC, or that there is a serial killer loose in southern Oklahoma. What am I gonna do? Go try and hunt him down. No.
As of the national news, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, don't care. People say, 'Oh, Fox News is WAY too conservative', then flip the coin and others say, 'CNN and MSNBC are too liberal.' Not sure, don't watch them anymore. Reason------Let's have two or three people on a show to discuss a topic. These people are on opposite sides of the argument. Then as they debate, all I hear is yelling and these children trying to talk over each other. It is enough for my head to explode.
So here is the only thing that MIGHT make me watch the news again, if these shows put on people to debate a subject but require their mothers to be there also. This would greatly reduce the pathetic yelling and bickering that goes on on these programs. They would start raising their voices and their mother would step in, apologize to the host, and give them a swatting. That would fix it, only in a perfect world.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A Tribute To The Underappretiated Hotties Of The 80's Movies
So I am sitting here in the middle of the night cruising the box to see what is on. Can't sleep, to worried about work-related problems. Anyway, I stumbled upon the movie Teen Wolf, and realized that it is my duty to give a sort of homage to the '2ND love interest girls' of these movies. These are the girls that are completely hot, they also are really cool to hang out with, but the main character is always chasing the 'it' girl until he realizes that FINALLY the best girl is the 2ND one. So here goes.....
"Boof" from Teen Wolf. She was the coolest girl on the block and accepted Scott Howard as himself and not the wolf. I would soooo go after her first.
"Watts" from Some Kind of Wonderful. She was a little rough around the edges, like to work on cars, but stole the man from Amanda Jones. Good for her, much less maintenance.
Amanda frickin Peterson. OK, not really in line with this subject matter but she didn't like the geek then loved him at the end. She was just really hot in this movie. Amanda Frickin Peterson!
OK, so here is how
MY 80's love movie would go. First, I am a stud MLB baseball pitcher in rotation for the Red Sox. I have a friend. Her name is Leona Lewis, and she is completely hot for me but I don't notice her advances and think of her as just a friend.
MY 80's love movie would go. First, I am a stud MLB baseball pitcher in rotation for the Red Sox. I have a friend. Her name is Leona Lewis, and she is completely hot for me but I don't notice her advances and think of her as just a friend.But,
I am after ARod's girlfriend Mariah Carey. After a while, I find out that I am really in love with the woman who has been infatuated with me all along, Leona Lewis.
So we end up together and live happily ever after. The End.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Something That Is Close To My Heart
I have to come out with something that has a special place in my heart. And I would like to ask for help from anybody that is willing to help.
My story is that I was a freshman in high school. I was at the tail end of my freshman year. With anybody who knew me back then, knew that life had taken it's biggest bat and beat me nearly to death during that year. It was a beautiful spring day in '96 when I went with my church youth group to go down to the Jesus House to serve meals. We served dinner and ate with the people there. We listened to stories, told our own, and enjoyed ourselves. Then we were invited to the evening church service. We all went down there and I saw something I had never seen before and probably haven't seen since. I saw people that were either drug addicts or recovering drug users. These people had nothing but the clothes on their back. But I noticed that they had something more. They had God. I have never seen more faith than from people who had nothing in life BUT God. They were not at the service just so people would see that they were there. They were there because ALL THEY HAD WAS GOD.
Now I have seen certain local charities being 'used' by people who really didn't need the money or goods from that charity but they take from them anyway. BUT the Jesus House is at the end of the line. If you are at the Jesus House, you back is literally against the wall. Everybody has given up on you except the people at the Jesus House and Jesus himself. I have never seen the actual spirit of Jesus Christ HIMSELF more apparent than at this charity.
The Jesus House is having trouble now raising funds. They are backed up on their gas bill to the tune of about $2,000 or over. They are about to be cut off. I am on a personal mission to get together as much money as I can to help put a dent in this bill. I don't like asking for money but I want anyone that reads this blog to please spread the word around and ask for $1 or $5 and maybe we can get this house back on a solid foundation. Thanks.
My story is that I was a freshman in high school. I was at the tail end of my freshman year. With anybody who knew me back then, knew that life had taken it's biggest bat and beat me nearly to death during that year. It was a beautiful spring day in '96 when I went with my church youth group to go down to the Jesus House to serve meals. We served dinner and ate with the people there. We listened to stories, told our own, and enjoyed ourselves. Then we were invited to the evening church service. We all went down there and I saw something I had never seen before and probably haven't seen since. I saw people that were either drug addicts or recovering drug users. These people had nothing but the clothes on their back. But I noticed that they had something more. They had God. I have never seen more faith than from people who had nothing in life BUT God. They were not at the service just so people would see that they were there. They were there because ALL THEY HAD WAS GOD.
Now I have seen certain local charities being 'used' by people who really didn't need the money or goods from that charity but they take from them anyway. BUT the Jesus House is at the end of the line. If you are at the Jesus House, you back is literally against the wall. Everybody has given up on you except the people at the Jesus House and Jesus himself. I have never seen the actual spirit of Jesus Christ HIMSELF more apparent than at this charity.
The Jesus House is having trouble now raising funds. They are backed up on their gas bill to the tune of about $2,000 or over. They are about to be cut off. I am on a personal mission to get together as much money as I can to help put a dent in this bill. I don't like asking for money but I want anyone that reads this blog to please spread the word around and ask for $1 or $5 and maybe we can get this house back on a solid foundation. Thanks.
Monday, August 31, 2009
When the Fit Hits the Shan
You know, sometimes life will put you in your place. It will tell you where you REALLY sit on the 'totem pole' of life. That has happened to me.
It starts out 2 Sunday afternoons ago, I was on the golf course with some of my extended family when I got a call. It was the wife. She said that lil bit was running a fever and was just wondering when I was going to be done golfing. Well, I was finishing up the first 9 holes, and decided to leave halfway through the game. I went home to a sick child. Now, if you knew me 5 years ago, you would know that my #1 fear in life is sick children. I have accepted now that this fear must be put away. So lil bit is running a fever----ALL WEEK. The Doctor said she was probably getting over something and would be fine. OK. That is fine. The fever went on for 8 DAYS!
So the next weekend has come upon me and I feel that weekends have changed their meaning for me since I became a father. Before, there was no such things as weekends for me. I don't like Mondays so I figured a long time ago that if you work 7 days a week there is no such thing as Monday. It was great, it work out for me just fine, and it got me out of the house so that my better half could go and shop or do whatever she did. Now, weekends are like the 'healing time' or the time to just catch up on things in the house.
This weekend brought a break in the fever of lil bit just to usher in the fever of my wife. Yep, she feels bad. So Monday comes around again and the Doc says she has Strep. That means that not only am I going to get it, but she is not the wonderful woman I married when she is sick. That is OK. Monday evening rolls around and I think I am going to lick my wounds. The wife is on antibiotics, lil bit's fever broke, and things just might turn around. Then our dog, Rudy, decides to get in a fight with a frog out in the backyard.
Not a big deal, right? Well, I found out (IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, BE WARNED) that frogs, when threatened, tend to excrete a toxin that makes the attacker (Rudy) back off. So Rudy comes back into the house shaking his head. I think it is nothing, until I hear the word that I hate to hear the most in my household, "ALAN!" Rudy just vomited on the bed. I thought, 'OK, he was just upset and this will pass.' Nope, it happened again on the bed, the couch, the living room floor, the kitchen floor, and a place that I had not known until I stepped without looking.
I called the after hours vet. The lady on the other end of the phone said to just wash out his mouth and he will just pass the toxins eventually. That was fun, wrestling a sick dog to get his mouth open so I can clean it out. So I am sitting on the couch right now, with the girls finally in bed, with Rudy just laying beside me. He hasn't, you know what, for awhile now, but I am still scared that the fact he sleeps in the bed with me and I wake up in the middle of the night just to get a face full of, well you know.
The moral of this story, 'What ever doesn't kill you, sure can make you tired.'
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Dixie Chicks meet Madonna
I am a music lover. I always have been. I loved Milli Vanilli back in '89, and still do. I love classic rock, I love hippie stuff like the Grateful Dead. I love country, and I like to listen to up and coming artist. I saw a report on Madonna today. She was performing her 'Sticky and Sweet' tour stop in Bucharest. Now I must say that I used to sneak into the living room early in the morning when I was about 8 years to watch MTV. My parents did not know this, I think. I remember watching Madonna videos and she was a really hot lady back in the day. She just oozed sex appeal. Now she just oozes.
There are two problems that I see here with this picture.
#1. She is over the age of 50 and her 'Sticky and Sweet' tour looks more sticky than sweet. There is nothing more disturbing than watching a woman like her dancing around a stripper pole in a garter belt and thigh highs. If I were to attend her concert, that would be only the second time I would be dry heaving in the middle of the crowd (I attended a Pantera concert in college and I just don't ever want to talk about that night ever).
#2. I have been to many concerts. When in line to get to my seat, I have found myself talking to the other fans saying, 'I sure do hope Steven Tyler will make a political statement during this concert', or 'I hope Willie Nelson will discuss his views on the economy between songs.' Nope, I have never really cared what singers think about anything. Come to think about it, I don't even care what 99% of the general population think. But Madonna has now angered the Eastern Block by saying that Gypsies are treated unfairly. Now I am not turning my back on the Gypsy cause. I just think that you should do your job and let others do theirs. Having Madonna and the Dixie Chicks and Springsteen coming out with their little 'pet political causes' is like being a foreman of a construction site and seeing the electrician installing sewer pipe. You would have to go over to him and say 'hey, your a great electrician, but I think that you running the sewer line might not be the best idea. Let's leave that to the plumbers, huh?'
What is next is sports, I am telling you in advance. Is Tony Romo going to break huddle and then grab a microphone and tell the crowd in Cowboy's Stadium to vote NO on bond issue 445132b then take the snap? Is Josh Beckett going to warm up in the bullpen then go to the mound and grab the mike and say that we need to take action against the evil oil companies that are polluting our Earth? I can see it, 'As you know, I am a pitcher, and I take the mound, but today I would like to take the mound to stand up against these oil companies. We need to strike these guys out before they make global warming, errrr, climate change worse. Thank you!' Then I would be sitting on my couch and look over to my wife and say, 'WOW, Beckett is right, I mean a guy that can throw a 95 mile-an-hour fastball can't be wrong on something like this!'
So the moral of this story, Madonna, Dixie Chicks, everyone else, leave the shit to the plumbers. They know what to do with it.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
40 Years Later
If you know me personally, you probably know that I HATE politics and anything that has to do with it. This blog is one about my life, and light-hearted subjects that have to do with fatherhood and just being a regular 'dude'. However, something struck me in the head this morning (metaphorically speaking).
Ted Kennedy died last night. I am not one to rejoice or take glory in anybody's death. I think that life is precious and, when someone dies, it affects the people around them. I hope that Ted's family will handle this well. When I found out that Ted Kennedy had brain cancer, I felt sorry for him. I never really agreed with any of his policies while he was in the Senate, and we probably wouldn't agree on any issue if we were to debate each other, but that is beside the point. He is still a person, a brother, a father, and a friend to many. I was reading articles this morning about him and his legacy. One thing stuck out to me that has disturbed me.
This 'thing' that has disturbed me is the condition of the 'human condition' in these articles about his life. Many of the articles written described him as a well loved politician and colleague that stood up for his principles and how he lived with the death of his brothers and tried to be the best 'public servant' America could ever want. The radio was buzzing in my truck discussing whether he was the greatest Senator of our generation. But what was that 'thing' that has disturbed me so much.
Well, I did some research, and read up on an incident called the Chappaquiddick Incident. There are many accounts of this incident but it so happens that on a night in July of 1969, Mr. Kennedy's car ran off a bridge into the water. He escaped but there was a female passenger in the car that did not survive. Mary Jo Kopechne drowned in that car. Seeing that I was far from even being born at the time, I can just read the reports and stories of this incident. The word is that Mr. Kennedy may have had too much to drink, and/or took the wrong turn. He was charged with leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury and received a suspended sentence.
Leave it at that and I wouldn't be writing about this story. But the problem I see in all of these articles is NOT the sadness or remembrance of Mary Jo, but the writer of most of these articles mention this incident not in sorrow for the deceased, but in sorrow that the incident prevented Ted from winning the White House. Not being President? That is what our media is remembering? They pave over the fact that somebody's daughter was killed in a car that was slowly sinking into a body of water. And the REAL tragedy is the fact that Ted Kennedy just could not get into the White House?
What has happened to us? Is it just the media? Who realizes that there was a woman that died in a horrific accident 40 years ago? Maybe I have just gone crazy and need to get MY priorities straight and morn the loss of the Presidential bid in 1980 of Mr. Kennedy just like everyone else who likes to write articles about this story.
Ted Kennedy died last night. I am not one to rejoice or take glory in anybody's death. I think that life is precious and, when someone dies, it affects the people around them. I hope that Ted's family will handle this well. When I found out that Ted Kennedy had brain cancer, I felt sorry for him. I never really agreed with any of his policies while he was in the Senate, and we probably wouldn't agree on any issue if we were to debate each other, but that is beside the point. He is still a person, a brother, a father, and a friend to many. I was reading articles this morning about him and his legacy. One thing stuck out to me that has disturbed me.
This 'thing' that has disturbed me is the condition of the 'human condition' in these articles about his life. Many of the articles written described him as a well loved politician and colleague that stood up for his principles and how he lived with the death of his brothers and tried to be the best 'public servant' America could ever want. The radio was buzzing in my truck discussing whether he was the greatest Senator of our generation. But what was that 'thing' that has disturbed me so much.
Well, I did some research, and read up on an incident called the Chappaquiddick Incident. There are many accounts of this incident but it so happens that on a night in July of 1969, Mr. Kennedy's car ran off a bridge into the water. He escaped but there was a female passenger in the car that did not survive. Mary Jo Kopechne drowned in that car. Seeing that I was far from even being born at the time, I can just read the reports and stories of this incident. The word is that Mr. Kennedy may have had too much to drink, and/or took the wrong turn. He was charged with leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury and received a suspended sentence.
Leave it at that and I wouldn't be writing about this story. But the problem I see in all of these articles is NOT the sadness or remembrance of Mary Jo, but the writer of most of these articles mention this incident not in sorrow for the deceased, but in sorrow that the incident prevented Ted from winning the White House. Not being President? That is what our media is remembering? They pave over the fact that somebody's daughter was killed in a car that was slowly sinking into a body of water. And the REAL tragedy is the fact that Ted Kennedy just could not get into the White House?
What has happened to us? Is it just the media? Who realizes that there was a woman that died in a horrific accident 40 years ago? Maybe I have just gone crazy and need to get MY priorities straight and morn the loss of the Presidential bid in 1980 of Mr. Kennedy just like everyone else who likes to write articles about this story.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Postpartum depression
For those who know me, I am not one to hide many things in my life. There has been one thing that has been bothering me for months now. I am not sure what it is. I have just not been myself lately. As a new father, I love being a daddy to the prettiest girl in the whole wide world. I love spending time with her. But, in all seriousness, I am scared of her. I am scared that I will do something around her that will mess her up for life. Really, I can't explain it. Maybe I am just afraid that I am not being a good enough father. Maybe I am not there for her as much as I should be or not treating her like I should.
A few years ago, I was a huge go-getter. Work was how I defined myself. That was fine back then because my wife understood this fact before she married me. But now my little girl takes the front seat in my life. In this I have become somebody I do not know. I have never really had to deal with depression in my life because I have been blessed with an optimistic personality. But my wife approached me last week, noticing that I have not been myself, and told me that I may need to seek some help. Well, as a man, I automatically thought that I am too much of a man to seek help. I have everything under control. I ALWAYS am on top of EVERYTHING! Then I started thinking, maybe she is right. I am always tired, run down, and find the easiest daily task very difficult. Taking out the trash might as well be building an addition onto our house.
I take long naps, and can't sleep at night even when I don't take naps. It seems that the thought of having to do something makes me tired. So, yeah, I am suffering from depression, and I am not ashamed. I am seeing a psychiatrist for the first time this Thursday. I would not be doing this if I was single. I would just plow through this and probably never admit anything is wrong. But I have a wife and daughter that depend on me to be there and myself. I think that coming out and seeking help is something that 'us guys' are ashamed to admit. But I am doing this because if I don't, I am robbing my family of a father and husband.
I just thank God that I have a wife that knows me well enough to point out things I refuse to see. And he blessed me with her because she is patient, kind, and picks up the slack I leave sometimes without one harsh word or complaint from her. She truly is the second best thing that has happened in my life.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Crazy Girlfriend
I think it is best to say that I can easily compare my 10 month old girl to some of the girls I dated in College. I mean that by saying I have had my experiences with some crazy women in my past. I have dated that girl that would just start crying for no reason, had a lot of emotional baggage, and I was constantly trying to comfort them. Then, when I would get tired of doing that, I would break up with them. My little girl, however, I cannot break up with. Yep, that is little bit. She does the same things that my ex-girlfriends used to do, but I have to keep her around. She will be playing in the living room, having fun, laughing, then all of a sudden, start crying for no reason at all.
She is also very abusive to her daddy. We are talking about pulling hair, grabbing my bottom lip, pulling my leg hair. But I have to take this abuse in stride and not break up with her. To have a child, you need to remove all source of reason and then you will get it. Why is she crying? No reason, she is just tired. Why is she embarrassing me in public, no reason, she just can. So now I am living with one of THOSE girls in my own house. Luckily, my wife is not one of those.
I like watching movies, in peace. Nope, not anymore. I have worn out the pause button on my remote so bad I have to call the cable company to request a new remote. Lil Bit just crawls into MY room and starts slobbering and destroying my personal stuff like it is hers. Just like that crazy girlfriend. My phone, the dog, the remote, the piece of the Berlin Wall that I have in my possession, all fair game for her.
With all of that in mind, she is too cute to give to another couple. I have thought of having some sort of bartering on Craig's List offering up my daughter for a pair of white-wall tires, or some cool power tool, but I have not yet. I guess it is that fatherly love that people have been telling me about. I watched The Last House On The Left last night. There was a rape scene in the movie involving a man's daughter. While I was watching it, I started to feel my heart beat faster, the testosterone level raise, and the anger fill my head. Now I know what fatherly love is. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for that little girl. I would fight off 15 full grown men with my bare hands for her. Maybe that is why she is not on Craig's List right now.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Having to break character
I am trying to get the whole story down about my lil bit's birth up to present, but some things happen that I just have to tell.
I am going on vacation tomorrow. I VERY much needed vacation. I am meeting my two best friends from college down in Dallas for a couple days. We are going to take in 2 Red Sox v Ranger's games. We are getting together without any wives or children for the first time in about 7 years. I think it will be good for us. Kind of a 'testosterone fest'.
However, for the two months, I have been beaten down by work. It has affected me physically and mentally. Yesterday, I was just getting it from all ends. People were calling me, yelling, complaining, and just trying to make it impossible for me to reach the end of the day. So I just go home for lunch. I needed a break. I am sitting at the dining room table and eating with my wife and lil bit eating next to me. I was eating in a sort of dejected way. Kind of like the world has it out for me. I was feeling like I wouldn't be able to make it through the day without a complete mental meltdown. Then all of a sudden, I look over at lil bit in her high chair. She wasn't making any noise, just sitting there eating. She then looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, and did one thing that just made it feel like God himself sent her down to do this. She just looked at me and smiled. Not like an infant smiles, just like an 'everything is gonna be okay' smile. I couldn't help but smile back. That was all I needed to understand two things.
1. God HAD to put her in my life, no other explanation.
2. By some divine intervention, she had sensed my frustration and knew just what daddy needed.
All I needed was that smile, and for a fleeting moment, everything went away and I knew that I was going to be OK.
Thanks lil bit.
Daddy.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
OK, what happens now?
I have been told that being a daddy is something that will change your life. Yeah? No kidding? So 'they' say having a small, loud, yelling, grabbing, pooping, biting, snotty thing living in your house will change your life? I knew that. That is why, when my wife asked me about children four years ago I looked at her and said, "yeah, what about them?" No, she wasn't asking what I think of children, she was asking what I think of having one tearing up my peaceful home and waking me up in the middle of the night with their terrible screeches. I told her I was too young (24).
So I did everything I could to distract her overwhelming 'baby hormones' by getting her stuff. It started with a house. She said she thought it was a good time to buy a house. I thought, "WOW, with the looking, the bartering, the closing, the decorating, and everything else, that should distract her for about 6 months. Nope, the house was decorated, moved into, and, by her understanding, missing something (a baby) by about 1 1/2 months. So what am I to do next? Get a dog. Not only get A dog, I found a stray dog with a broken leg, ear mites, and a liver problem. Understanding her love for animals, I thought this could be something that could buy me about another 6 months or so.
$1,700 dollars and 2 months later, the dog was in good health, she had nursed him back to his original weight, and 'the dog' became a sort of bodyguard for my wife. That is right, the dog I rescued from death was now the thing that would bark and want to fight me when I just wanted to give my OWN WIFE a kiss. So then it come to the conversation, "hey honey, Rudy (the dog) needs a playmate. You know what I mean?" Yep, I sure do! Another stray dog, right?
OK, so let's get to the side note. I think I need to open up and help everybody understand what is going on inside of my head. A lot of stuff. If you were to venture into my state of mind, you would probably freak out and run home crying. I like relaxing. I like people who leave me alone. I have a job that pretty much consist of babysitting 50 or more adults and mediating their problems, giving them solutions, and being the one person in their universe that keeps them in orbit. I get PAID for that. That is why I like to be left alone when I am on MY time. I am a cranky old man. I don't like large groups of people (not because I am agoraphobic, just because I believe that 80% of the general population are morons). I like watching movies UN-INTERRUPTED! I hate when I am in a public restroom at a urinal and a guy picks the one next to ME, not the one at the other side of the wall! Men know what I am talking about, I HATE when guys violate 'man rules'. So why in the world would I want something in my life that would violate all of the before mentioned rules?
So I entered into the bonds of fatherhood in the start of 2008. I was on the couch watching T.V. when my wife came into the room with a stick that had a + on it. She was crying (happy tears, not, "Oh no! I am only 14 years old and I really wanted to finish the 8Th grade before I have my first child) which meant that my life was going to change---fast. I was happy. No, that is the wrong word. I was ELATED? Maybe the word doesn't exist but is something between surprised and excited, like surpcited or something. So I was VERY surpcited! That surpcition then turned to a fear that started to brew deep inside of me while I slept that night. This was not a fear of like, "OH! Is this mole on my back bigger than the eraser of a pencil? Or, did that cop car turn around to pull ME over because I was going a little over the speed limit?" Nope, it was a fear like I, me, myself FOREVER will be responsible for a living thing that doesn't just need food and goes potty in the backyard and you walk it around the block every once in a while. Nope, this was a fear that struck me from my soul that said, "It's OK, what is the worst that could happen if you mess up on this? You raise a crackhead that robs banks and leads police on a cross-county chases only to be let out of jail on a 'technicality' to scare the heck out of me and my wife because this child knows where we live and is going to want to come and kill us in the middle of the night?" Yeah, that kind of fear.
So I did everything I could to distract her overwhelming 'baby hormones' by getting her stuff. It started with a house. She said she thought it was a good time to buy a house. I thought, "WOW, with the looking, the bartering, the closing, the decorating, and everything else, that should distract her for about 6 months. Nope, the house was decorated, moved into, and, by her understanding, missing something (a baby) by about 1 1/2 months. So what am I to do next? Get a dog. Not only get A dog, I found a stray dog with a broken leg, ear mites, and a liver problem. Understanding her love for animals, I thought this could be something that could buy me about another 6 months or so.
$1,700 dollars and 2 months later, the dog was in good health, she had nursed him back to his original weight, and 'the dog' became a sort of bodyguard for my wife. That is right, the dog I rescued from death was now the thing that would bark and want to fight me when I just wanted to give my OWN WIFE a kiss. So then it come to the conversation, "hey honey, Rudy (the dog) needs a playmate. You know what I mean?" Yep, I sure do! Another stray dog, right?
OK, so let's get to the side note. I think I need to open up and help everybody understand what is going on inside of my head. A lot of stuff. If you were to venture into my state of mind, you would probably freak out and run home crying. I like relaxing. I like people who leave me alone. I have a job that pretty much consist of babysitting 50 or more adults and mediating their problems, giving them solutions, and being the one person in their universe that keeps them in orbit. I get PAID for that. That is why I like to be left alone when I am on MY time. I am a cranky old man. I don't like large groups of people (not because I am agoraphobic, just because I believe that 80% of the general population are morons). I like watching movies UN-INTERRUPTED! I hate when I am in a public restroom at a urinal and a guy picks the one next to ME, not the one at the other side of the wall! Men know what I am talking about, I HATE when guys violate 'man rules'. So why in the world would I want something in my life that would violate all of the before mentioned rules?
So I entered into the bonds of fatherhood in the start of 2008. I was on the couch watching T.V. when my wife came into the room with a stick that had a + on it. She was crying (happy tears, not, "Oh no! I am only 14 years old and I really wanted to finish the 8Th grade before I have my first child) which meant that my life was going to change---fast. I was happy. No, that is the wrong word. I was ELATED? Maybe the word doesn't exist but is something between surprised and excited, like surpcited or something. So I was VERY surpcited! That surpcition then turned to a fear that started to brew deep inside of me while I slept that night. This was not a fear of like, "OH! Is this mole on my back bigger than the eraser of a pencil? Or, did that cop car turn around to pull ME over because I was going a little over the speed limit?" Nope, it was a fear like I, me, myself FOREVER will be responsible for a living thing that doesn't just need food and goes potty in the backyard and you walk it around the block every once in a while. Nope, this was a fear that struck me from my soul that said, "It's OK, what is the worst that could happen if you mess up on this? You raise a crackhead that robs banks and leads police on a cross-county chases only to be let out of jail on a 'technicality' to scare the heck out of me and my wife because this child knows where we live and is going to want to come and kill us in the middle of the night?" Yeah, that kind of fear.
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