OK, what happens now?

I have been told that being a daddy is something that will change your life. Yeah? No kidding? So 'they' say having a small, loud, yelling, grabbing, pooping, biting, snotty thing living in your house will change your life? I knew that. That is why, when my wife asked me about children four years ago I looked at her and said, "yeah, what about them?" No, she wasn't asking what I think of children, she was asking what I think of having one tearing up my peaceful home and waking me up in the middle of the night with their terrible screeches. I told her I was too young (24).

So I did everything I could to distract her overwhelming 'baby hormones' by getting her stuff. It started with a house. She said she thought it was a good time to buy a house. I thought, "WOW, with the looking, the bartering, the closing, the decorating, and everything else, that should distract her for about 6 months. Nope, the house was decorated, moved into, and, by her understanding, missing something (a baby) by about 1 1/2 months. So what am I to do next? Get a dog. Not only get A dog, I found a stray dog with a broken leg, ear mites, and a liver problem. Understanding her love for animals, I thought this could be something that could buy me about another 6 months or so.

$1,700 dollars and 2 months later, the dog was in good health, she had nursed him back to his original weight, and 'the dog' became a sort of bodyguard for my wife. That is right, the dog I rescued from death was now the thing that would bark and want to fight me when I just wanted to give my OWN WIFE a kiss. So then it come to the conversation, "hey honey, Rudy (the dog) needs a playmate. You know what I mean?" Yep, I sure do! Another stray dog, right?

OK, so let's get to the side note. I think I need to open up and help everybody understand what is going on inside of my head. A lot of stuff. If you were to venture into my state of mind, you would probably freak out and run home crying. I like relaxing. I like people who leave me alone. I have a job that pretty much consist of babysitting 50 or more adults and mediating their problems, giving them solutions, and being the one person in their universe that keeps them in orbit. I get PAID for that. That is why I like to be left alone when I am on MY time. I am a cranky old man. I don't like large groups of people (not because I am agoraphobic, just because I believe that 80% of the general population are morons). I like watching movies UN-INTERRUPTED! I hate when I am in a public restroom at a urinal and a guy picks the one next to ME, not the one at the other side of the wall! Men know what I am talking about, I HATE when guys violate 'man rules'. So why in the world would I want something in my life that would violate all of the before mentioned rules?

So I entered into the bonds of fatherhood in the start of 2008. I was on the couch watching T.V. when my wife came into the room with a stick that had a + on it. She was crying (happy tears, not, "Oh no! I am only 14 years old and I really wanted to finish the 8Th grade before I have my first child) which meant that my life was going to change---fast. I was happy. No, that is the wrong word. I was ELATED? Maybe the word doesn't exist but is something between surprised and excited, like surpcited or something. So I was VERY surpcited! That surpcition then turned to a fear that started to brew deep inside of me while I slept that night. This was not a fear of like, "OH! Is this mole on my back bigger than the eraser of a pencil? Or, did that cop car turn around to pull ME over because I was going a little over the speed limit?" Nope, it was a fear like I, me, myself FOREVER will be responsible for a living thing that doesn't just need food and goes potty in the backyard and you walk it around the block every once in a while. Nope, this was a fear that struck me from my soul that said, "It's OK, what is the worst that could happen if you mess up on this? You raise a crackhead that robs banks and leads police on a cross-county chases only to be let out of jail on a 'technicality' to scare the heck out of me and my wife because this child knows where we live and is going to want to come and kill us in the middle of the night?" Yeah, that kind of fear.