For those who know me, I am not one to hide many things in my life. There has been one thing that has been bothering me for months now. I am not sure what it is. I have just not been myself lately. As a new father, I love being a daddy to the prettiest girl in the whole wide world. I love spending time with her. But, in all seriousness, I am scared of her. I am scared that I will do something around her that will mess her up for life. Really, I can't explain it. Maybe I am just afraid that I am not being a good enough father. Maybe I am not there for her as much as I should be or not treating her like I should.
A few years ago, I was a huge go-getter. Work was how I defined myself. That was fine back then because my wife understood this fact before she married me. But now my little girl takes the front seat in my life. In this I have become somebody I do not know. I have never really had to deal with depression in my life because I have been blessed with an optimistic personality. But my wife approached me last week, noticing that I have not been myself, and told me that I may need to seek some help. Well, as a man, I automatically thought that I am too much of a man to seek help. I have everything under control. I ALWAYS am on top of EVERYTHING! Then I started thinking, maybe she is right. I am always tired, run down, and find the easiest daily task very difficult. Taking out the trash might as well be building an addition onto our house.
I take long naps, and can't sleep at night even when I don't take naps. It seems that the thought of having to do something makes me tired. So, yeah, I am suffering from depression, and I am not ashamed. I am seeing a psychiatrist for the first time this Thursday. I would not be doing this if I was single. I would just plow through this and probably never admit anything is wrong. But I have a wife and daughter that depend on me to be there and myself. I think that coming out and seeking help is something that 'us guys' are ashamed to admit. But I am doing this because if I don't, I am robbing my family of a father and husband.
I just thank God that I have a wife that knows me well enough to point out things I refuse to see. And he blessed me with her because she is patient, kind, and picks up the slack I leave sometimes without one harsh word or complaint from her. She truly is the second best thing that has happened in my life.
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