What I have learned from a one year old.

As of my last post, I think it is known what I think of last year. Now is a new year. However, I was thinking of what I had been through in the past year. Organizing a tea party and speaking in front of thousands of people (a first for me), getting canned from my job that I really did not like (a first for me), raising a child for a whole year (again, a first for me), and going through a very deep depression that I am glad I have mostly shaken off now (a second for me, I really think I attribute the deep depression to the job that I was terminated from).
I have learned a lot in the past year. I think the most important thing I learned is what I had already known but forgot. It was 14 years ago when I had to get out of a hole and press on with life. Say goodbye to a bad year, and look at the new year with promise and hope. That is 2010. Lil Bit has just been growing into becoming a little girl from being a little baby. She walks around now like a drunk because she is just learning how to really get her legs underneath her. She falls all the time, but she gets back up with more determination and does what she was going to do. She doesn't want help, she is focused and determined. When she fell ill with the swine flu (the first week I was unemployed), she took her cuts, then got back up and had that zest for life that we as adults can lose.
I had a choice now that I am without a job, get a job working for somebody that sees only dollar signs and I can just be one of those people that person take for granted, or I can do what I have always wanted but was too scared to do. Go into a small business. This small business I have already worked for in college, and the owner wants me to pick up more of the business as he gets older. Last year I declined because I was afraid of the recession. He raked in more profits than any other year last year, while I was at my steady job, getting my steady paycheck, and hating myself for it. I was going to quit the job I had been fired from this year to work for this guy in about April, but who knows if I would have the bravery to actually do it. Now I have no choice, and it feels good. I only do my best work in life when I have my back against the wall. And this is who I am, who I have always been, a small business owner.
I have no idea whether I will succeed, but I will fail if I don't try. This year is when I start to fight back and I am excited about it.

@#$% YOU 2009!

This is not me whining about things like I always do, it is just something I have learned this last year. Most people have bad years, and they are happy to move on to the next. That is what 2009 is for me. My best friend asked me if Tiff and I were going to go to his New Year's Eve party this week and I told him I am not even going to celebrate the end of this stupid year.
This year was the last year I spend my twenties in. Most people approach their 30's with anxiety and sadness. I joke about turning 30, but I am extremely excited to turn this age. If you think about it, 0-10 you are just trying to develop into a human being. 11-20 you are trying to just develop into a human being. 21-29 life changes so fast and I loved my 20's. They were great and the things that I have gotten while in my twenties, I am excited to bring into my thirties. I am really excited to be settled down for a decade and enjoy seeing my offspring grow up with the love of my life.
2009 was hard on me, it beat me over the head. And the best thing is that it finished itself off with a huge snowstorm that kept me from being with my girls for Christmas. Being fired for the first time from a job that I had grown to hate (I will see that as a tie). Obama was sworn in as President, I chewed off more than I could eat with the Tea Party early in the year. But what a way to lose your mind, ehh?
I have had some good things this year, but overall, I am glad to be leaving 2009 in one piece. I thank God for making me sit and think about what I really want to do, kick my butt out of a job I was no longer wanted in, and letting me watch the most beautiful girl grow up WAY too fast. 2010 is where I get off the mat, and get back into the fight stronger and wiser. AND turn 30!

My Sister Is Marrying A Kenyan? Is This A Joke?

I have learned a lot in this decade. When I worked in the Tea Party Movement, I was called a racist and a liar among the nicer things. I consider my self a 'redneck hippie'. Yep, I am set in my southern root ways yet I like very few aspects of being a hippies. But then came trouble one day in 2007.
My mother called me and told me that my little sister was getting married. I said, WHAT? I didn't know she was dating. Who is this punk?
He is from Kenya.
Kenya? My sister wants to marry a Kenyan? Nope, I do not condone this!
It is not up to you anymore, she said.
A Kenyan. Does he even know English? Is he a good man. How are my sister and him supposed to get over the 'no no' of mixed marriages? So I met him. I wanted to make sure I didn't like him.
Let me explain something. The guys I hang around, when we all get together, we make fun of each other. I call one fat, one says I have a small... well he is wrong anyway. We just make fun of each other as a sign of love. That is what dudes do in this society. There is no way he will be able to mix in with us.
I was wrong. I once took him golfing with two other buddies. He had never been. I had to show him how to hold the golf club. I was thinking this was a mistake. I was right. With the three other guys golfing for years, he was the one that made swinging a club look ugly but golfed the best. He would tee up and hit the ball down the fairway and then look at us like he wondered why it was such a hard game.
Another thing, I joke with him. I make fun of him because he id from Africa, but he can dish it right back at me. It is like I have known him for years.
Another thing, he works his a** off. He pays taxes, he can't vote because he is not a citizen YET. When he becomes an American, our country will gain an invaluable asset. He treats my sister with respect. I would not want anyone else with her. I love him like a brother and would do anything for him because I know he would do the same.
Finally, the family got together for Christmas. Lil bit loves to go to her Uncle. I know lil bit. She does not see him as a Kenyan, but she has a gift that she can tell when a person's soul is good. That is why she loves her Uncle. Because he is good to his core.
We have lost our way in this country. Now it is up to him to show us the way back to who we were. We take freedom and peace and prosperity for granted. He does not. It makes me think that he is the model of a TRUE American, but much more a TRUE man. I met his parents and I know why he is like he is. There is nobody I am more proud of to call a BROTHER than this Kenyan I didn't know 2 years ago. God has blessed us with his presence.

5 years of experience.

Five years ago, I married my current wife. I am still currently married to her and live with her, so that makes me a little bit of a marriage expert since most divorces happen before the 5 year mark. I have decided to share my wisdom and lil bit of good advice to stay married. This advice either comes through personal experience, or what I have heard. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE EVER DONE ANY OF THIS OR MY WIFE HAS! Most of this is just my take from looking at other people's situations. I have numbered them to please the eye. #1 being the most important to 10 being the least.
10. Don't have an affair. This will make her mad and if you think you need another woman in your life, multiply your wife by 2. THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! Ask a pro golfer, they have 20 crazy women after them.
9. When she asks you when you might be ready for kids, and you are not, buy her a house. By buying her a house, this buys YOU about 6 to 12 months of what women call 'nesting time'. This gives you 6 to 12 months of NOT discussing why you do not want kids at this moment in your life.
8. When the 'nesting time' is over with your wife and the house, go to the nearest animal shelter quickly and buy or pick up the sickest dog you can find. Preferably, you can do like me and pick up a stray dog from a parking lot with a limp and worms, and mites, and a liver problem. The dog gives them something to take care of, and the ailments give them something to worry about. You see, women can take care of MANY things at once, but get them to also WORRY about a thing, that will buy you another 6-12 months, 18 months if you find a really sick dog.
7. When she calls you on the phone when you are in the middle of doing something important just to want to hear your voice, just talk with her because one day, the LAST thing she will want to hear is your voice.
6. When the dog heals up, and she is ready for a curtain-climber to haunt you home FOREVER, just go along and pretty soon you will be huddled up with other couples watching the 'magic of birth' in 'birthing classes'. ONLY GUYS READ XXXXXXX (There is no magic when it comes to birth. There is only a lot of blood, screaming, and other human material flying around the room only to get to hold the most beautiful girl in the whole world. BUT, not before all that other really nasty junk. After watching a woman give birth in person, you will NEVER look at ANY women the same way again. But never tell them I said that.)
5. When it comes to routine, stick with it. The people that say, "You need to shake up things in your marriage" is on his fourth wife. The time to 'shake things up' in your marriage will come, just not in the first 5 years. Keep it simple, same eating places, same movies, same EVERYTHING. This will keep the woman in her stable state of mind for a long time and you will not run into, what Doctors like to call the 'Kate-gosselyn-syndrome' where you actually WANT to abandon all 8 of your kids just for a good night's rest.
4. You will never make enough money. Not for kids, not for anything. So just do what you love. I had to learn that the hard way and now I am doing what I at least like and I can make more money than I did before. Not much more, however, and certainly what???? That is right, not enough money. At least if you like what you do or your boss you come home feeling good.
3. Buy a Volvo YEARS before you start to have children, NOT when she is six months pregnant. It is a lot less hectic when she is not on an emotional roller coaster.
2. Work. Then when you are done, work some more. When you get tired, work. When you are hungry, work. When you are sad, work. When you are glad, work. Just work, all of the time. This way you are not hanging around the house because when you 'hang around the house', women take that as a sign of weakness and they try to get into their husbands' head. Therefore, fighting ensues (the woman's fault) and fighting leads to divorce. If you are not there, she can go shopping, hang out with their friends, and even get a boyfriend on the side. You don't care, you are too busy...............working. That is right, the world fixes everything with time, so leave it alone and get to work. Everything will get back to right.
1. Marry your best friend. If your best friend is a dude, like mine is, then marry the person who would be your best friend if your best friend were to go away or die. That person would be referred to as your 'almost' best friend OR 'second' best friend. My best friend likes to watch sports and hang out with me talking with a lot of cussing and a lot of bad references to women and other things in the world. If this person is a woman, DO NOT MARRY HER! She is gay. If your potential wife is somebody who you look at and say, 'You know, 95% of the time she is pretty fun to be around, the other 5% I can tolerate, and she is the one woman I have dated that is THE MOST SANE/LEAST CRAZY. I want to marry this woman.' Good idea, that is ok that you really don't get her on all levels, because if you did........... one of you would probably be gay. And being gay and being married to a straight person can set itself up to a whole lot of conflicts, both on a religious level and a political level.
I think what I would like YOU, the reader to get out of reading a blog from a dude that is currently wearing sweatpants, on his couch, watching The Abyss while his wife and daughter sleeps, is that you are pathetic for even reading this far. However, I think that the moral of this story is 2-fold. Like the Earth, your marriage is always moving and changing. Roll with the changes. You will both change throughout time (hopefully not turning gay because that would then lead to divorce ref. point #1), but be open to that change and know it is going to happen. Love each other in the good times, BUT really stick next to each other in the bad times. Understand that you both are different creatures and God made it that way probably for a laugh.
When it is time to have curtain climbers, don't freak out, your ready. If me and my best buds survived the last year, any man with half a brain could survive fatherhood. ENJOY THE RIDE! Love just being in that one-bedroom, small, cramped apartment. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse. Enjoy eating dinner with just your spouse and a screeching 14 month old that likes to throw things lately. Enjoy having a pregnant wife, and when she starts to cry in the car while you are just driving and nothing else, let her be. Don't try and fix it, the only fixin' to do is when that Doctor grabs that baby inside of her by the head and rips that baby from her womb in some amazingly nasty operation called birth. Enjoy watching your kid do the funniest things together. Just enjoy the ride because it always is changing.

Thanks for hanging in there for five years, honey. If you want to try for five more just tell me when we get home tonight. I am willing to go another 5 if you are.

The Workaholic's Guide To Being Unemployed

As you may know, I am a workaholic. As you may also know, I am unemployed. In the short time that I have been unemployed, I have learned things that people like me can do to keep from going crazy. I will list them numerically.
1. Never sleep late. Always wake up at your normal time to keep a routine. I say this because I have a one year old and have no choice.
2. Cry in a cold shower for at least 5 minutes a day. This cleanses the mind, body, and soul and convinces you that you are crazy and should be working (even though you really aren't crazy).
3. Call up the Clorox company hot line and argue with them about how ALL of their products only kill 99.9% of household germs. Tell them that is not something to gloat about, you are very worried about that .1% of germs still living, and that you are going to invent a cleaner that gets 100% of the germs.
4. Find your oldest pair of jeans, cut them up into shorts, wear a sleeveless T-shirt and go to Wal-Mart and walk around asking random people if they need help finding something.
5. Go online, find the phone numbers to every U.S. Senator and call their offices and try to just carry on a normal conversation with their desk jockies. I am sure nobody asks them how their day is or how their life is going. I am sure you would get surprising answers.
6. Invent a blanket with sleeves, be happy that you are going to sell it and make millions of dollars, then relax, turn on the T.V., and see that they have already invented it and called it the Snuggy.
7. Call the Unemployment Office and apply for a job there to satisfy one of your two weekly required job searches.
8. Realize that your phone is just ringing to hear itself ring. Cell phones get lonely too and mine is wondering why I only talk on it only a couple of minutes a day now.
9. Vacuum the carpet.
10. Eat a large breakfast then watch The View. Each morning try to hold off vomiting longer each time.
And that is what will get you through unemployment. If you are still not happy, start a farm in your backyard and when people ask what you do, tell them you are a farmer.

Learning To Listen

2009 has been a rough year for me. I am going to whine for a bit and throw myself a pity party. At the beginning of the year I got involved in politics. That was stressful. Then I had the hardest part of getting used to being a daddy. I have settled in quite nicely now. I have suffered from deep depression, I have looked for help. But I talked to my Papa about 2 weeks ago and he and I talked about God for a couple of hours. The one thing I got out of that talk was.... listen to the Lord more and stop talking for a second.
So I started to listen, intently. That is when I got TERMINATED from my job that I had work in for 6 1/2 years. Then my wife has had some health problems that have worried me. Now, today, I found out lil bit has the swine flu. I LISTENED AND ALL HE GAVE ME WAS THIS! That was my first thought. Then I got angry at him. Then I listened again.
I am the type of person that can be hit by life over and over again and I won't fight back. Only when I get that knock out shot that lands me on the mat do I fight. So I have recently found myself on the mat. After a couple of days of trying to regain my consciousness, because I was dazed by that shot I took in the face, I looked over to see the crowd cheering 'life' for the knock out win and 'life' raising his gloves in victory. That is when I turn over, I slowly get on all fours, and try to stand again. This take a bit because I hurt, my face and ribs and everything. But I am going to stand, and that is when life better watch out. You can kick this dog but when you corner me, I bite.
So my point is, did the Lord facilitate in the firing of me by my job? Don't know. But I will tell you that the fact that I was fired from a job that I had begun to loath, and was depressing me, and sucking the life out of me, I was too chicken to quit. Maybe he took out his boot and kicked me out of a situation I didn't need to be in. Will I find a good job? Will lil bit be OK? Will my wife stop getting stress-related symptoms? Not sure. But I am getting up from the mat and I am ready to fight now. But I am not alone, I am still listening to you Lord, and I know that where ever I go, it will probably be a lot better than where I have been. This is when I dig my heels in, stop retreating, and begin to fight. Thank you God for at least one thing, giving me Papa.

Oreos and MTV

1990 was good to me. I have often thought of what might have been in the last 19 years if I had done things different then. But I didn't, and some things you live with for the rest of your life. I was 9 years old. What my parents didn't know was that I was a Navy SEAL. I would wake up at about 5:00 a.m. in the morning and go into the living room. I would watch things that my parents wouldn't let me watch at that time. I would also scale the kitchen counter top and grab the Oreos. Those wonderful cookies were like crack to me. So I would sugar up and watch MTV, Jaws, and other thing (not really bad things) on T.V. I loved it. That was my time.
Whenever summer break came, that was my hay day. I would be able to work with my Dad as much as I wanted. I was a paid employee, after all. Wherever he went, I went. We would have to take orders, load our van, and travel all over Arkansas. It was much better than hanging out with my Mom and little sister. It was man time for us, sometimes early in the morning, or sometimes it was an easy day.
On day in June 1990, the day was supposed to be a slow one. No deliveries, maybe just going to the warehouse and getting ready for the next day, but it was 'my day off' for the hard-working man that I was at 9 years old. It was very early in the morning and nobody was awake but me. My Dad got up early too and started to leave. I was on stand-by so, of course, I said 'where ya goin'? He said he needed to have the brakes on the truck replaced. So automatically I was going along with him. He said he didn't need me because it was going to be a quick chore and he would be back so rest up because we had a lot to do in the warehouse that day. So I went back to my MTV while he walked out the door.


He never came back. It only took me a minute to realize he didn't go for brake replacement when the news was told to me that he had to go to Fort Smith for a work emergency. I knew that was a lie because he would have picked me up first.

19 years and I still wonder what would have happened if I stood in the doorway stopped him from leaving. I was the one that watched him go, everybody else was asleep. I didn't stop him but went back to watching T.V. Somethings happen for a reason, and some don't. If I decided to sleep late then I would not have to play out that 1 minute in my head for 19 years. But I was on the couch for no other reason than to watch my life change forever. Maybe that is why I sleep late now.
That is why when Kleibold's mother was interviewed last week, she said that she had wished she could have just stopped him from going to school ten years ago. And she still remembers him leaving the house that morning. Well, my advice is that feeling still isn't going away for at least 9 more years.