Oreos and MTV

1990 was good to me. I have often thought of what might have been in the last 19 years if I had done things different then. But I didn't, and some things you live with for the rest of your life. I was 9 years old. What my parents didn't know was that I was a Navy SEAL. I would wake up at about 5:00 a.m. in the morning and go into the living room. I would watch things that my parents wouldn't let me watch at that time. I would also scale the kitchen counter top and grab the Oreos. Those wonderful cookies were like crack to me. So I would sugar up and watch MTV, Jaws, and other thing (not really bad things) on T.V. I loved it. That was my time.
Whenever summer break came, that was my hay day. I would be able to work with my Dad as much as I wanted. I was a paid employee, after all. Wherever he went, I went. We would have to take orders, load our van, and travel all over Arkansas. It was much better than hanging out with my Mom and little sister. It was man time for us, sometimes early in the morning, or sometimes it was an easy day.
On day in June 1990, the day was supposed to be a slow one. No deliveries, maybe just going to the warehouse and getting ready for the next day, but it was 'my day off' for the hard-working man that I was at 9 years old. It was very early in the morning and nobody was awake but me. My Dad got up early too and started to leave. I was on stand-by so, of course, I said 'where ya goin'? He said he needed to have the brakes on the truck replaced. So automatically I was going along with him. He said he didn't need me because it was going to be a quick chore and he would be back so rest up because we had a lot to do in the warehouse that day. So I went back to my MTV while he walked out the door.


He never came back. It only took me a minute to realize he didn't go for brake replacement when the news was told to me that he had to go to Fort Smith for a work emergency. I knew that was a lie because he would have picked me up first.

19 years and I still wonder what would have happened if I stood in the doorway stopped him from leaving. I was the one that watched him go, everybody else was asleep. I didn't stop him but went back to watching T.V. Somethings happen for a reason, and some don't. If I decided to sleep late then I would not have to play out that 1 minute in my head for 19 years. But I was on the couch for no other reason than to watch my life change forever. Maybe that is why I sleep late now.
That is why when Kleibold's mother was interviewed last week, she said that she had wished she could have just stopped him from going to school ten years ago. And she still remembers him leaving the house that morning. Well, my advice is that feeling still isn't going away for at least 9 more years.

One Year Gone

I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the greatest event in my life. I am sitting back thinking right now trying to put it all in my mind. I think of life in a series of events, good or bad, and how they affect the way I carry on with my life. For instance, the worst year of my life (1995) made me realize how I need to carry on with baggage in life, I learned that year that you need to carry some of that baggage, but leave the rest behind. In the last year since my wife had my wonderful daughter I have learned a lot. Can't really explain everything, because you just kinda have to go through it yourself. But here are the things that can be put into words.
I have learned that there are things in this life that I cannot control. This is very hard for a person who is used to controlling EVERYTHING around himself, and yet something about 1'9" tall and less than 9 pounds can put all of that to an end. I have had ex-cons threaten me and men twice my age and size, but they were never able to change what something this little has changed in me. That has increased the role the Lord has had in my life. Control freaks like me have a problem 'giving it all up to the Lord'. But I have had no choice. And I have found a whole other side of the Lord that I have never seen. I have seen more love and support from him that has helped me when I have been at the end of my rope.
I have also learned how to be a bad husband, then try and be a better one after I realize that I have not been the best husband I could be. I have learned that giving up most of my free time in the evenings to have to spend it with my family is ACTUALLY more fun than what I have had to give up. I have also learned that having a sick child is not the end of the world and, even though I get sneezed, coughed, and even spit-up upon, daddies usually don't get sick.
I have learned that the smile of a little girl just happy that I am home makes me feel like the most important person in the world! And I have also realized that a little girl's giggle and uncontrollable laughter is very contagious.
Fatherhood is something that you do the best you can with relatively no instruction manual. You can talk to other daddies, but you pretty much have to wing it, and as long as you are playing IN the game, you are already winning. I have not been more excited for a birthday since I was probably 11 years old. I don't even realize yet that I turn 29 years old 3 days later. I have gone from telling people what I would like for my birthday to begging my wife to buy a cool toy for lil bit. I have found that my 2 best friends are the 2 girls that I live with. I love living with my best friends. I feel blessed that I get to enjoy being around them for as long as the Lord allows.
And finally, when the Doctor said we would be able to conceive without the use of fertility drugs, and we had lil bit without those drugs, I truly believe that lil bit was sent down to use from Heaven by the grace of God. She was just a little angel laying around the clouds and one day God asked her, 'Hey, I have a good family that really wants one of you, and I think you would be a good fit. You wanna go?' I took her a few days to make up her mind (she is a female), but she finally decided to go for it, like her mommy and daddy. So thanks lil bit for giving us a chance and with this first year being so fun, I can't wait for the rest of the years.

What my parents made me watch when I was a kid.

I got angry at my wife the other day because lil bit was watching Dora the Explorer and I said I did NOT want my child watching that cartoon. She asked why, and I began to explain to her what Dora was doing. OK, there are two languages in this cartoon, English and Spanish. But neither English NOR Spanish is spoken on this cartoon. I call it Spanglish (did not come up with that word). I have no problem with a cartoon speaking any language, I just have a problem with a bunch of people from a certain generation speaking their own language, Spanglish. People who speak English or Spanish cannot understand this language. I hate that! Then I started reminiscing about the children's programing I watch when I was little. Then I really started thinking about those programs. Let me begin.

1. Sesame Street: Burt and Ernie lived together and were 'roommates'. Life-long bachelors that fought like a married couple. Sigfried and Roy think that is perfectly normal. I am not saying that B and E were and still maybe gay, but I am saying that the fact that they now reside in a West Hollywood bungalow together puts a shadow on their lifestyles.

Big Bird had a buddy named Snuffleupagus (spelling?). Big Bird did not have a job. He just hung around on the street corner waiting for the children to come around. He was 'supposedly' the only bird that could see the big hair elephant that would talk to him. I am going out on a limb but Big Bird was a dealer. NOT ONLY WAS HE A DEALER, he was also a heavy user of his products.

2. Mr. Roger's Neighborhood: One word, Mister McFeely?

Speedy delivery? Really?

3. Charlie Brown: Peppermint Patty was not called sir for no reason. She did not wear Birkenstocks and a flannel shirt for no reason. She wasn't dirty for no reason. There was a reason, we know why that is.

I think Dora is not such a big problem, anymore.